honest answers to tough questions about adoption: part one - the process

Over the years, many people have expressed to me their desire to adopt or provide foster care someday. It can feel awkward to ask questions pertaining to the process, family, and hard situations. That's why over the next three weeks, I'll be answering some questions readers sent me! 

Today, you'll find answers to:

• What's the first step I should take if I want to foster or adopt?
• Is it affordable?
• What are the steps needed to complete the adoption process?
• What is the hardest part of the process?

What's the first step I should take if I want to foster or adopt?

1. Pray. Don't underestimate this! This journey requires strength, wisdom, and grace. Begin covering it in prayer now!
2. Contact a local foster and/or adoption agency. This can be a private agency, or your state's division of children and family services. Attend an upcoming information meeting. Every state (and even county) has differing requirements and laws regarding becoming a licensed foster care or adoptive resource, so the best first step is to find out what those are in your area!
3. Do your research! If you're reading this post, you've most likely been scouring the internet for questions about adoption! Keep learning, and realize now that this process is a continual learning curve!

Is it affordable?

There are several types of adoption: private adoption, domestic infant adoption, international adoption, and adoption from the foster care system. Each type has differing expenses, and every scenario is different. 

Both of our sons adoptions were done through the foster care system. The first time, we paid for an adoption home study, as our goal was adoption. With the home study fee, paperwork filing fees, background clearances, and other neccessary documentation, it cost about $2,500 (including our annual follow up). 

$2,500 is easy to come by for some, but we did not have that much sitting around - and we were committed to not acquiring debt, so we did some creative fundraising and cut back on everything that wasn't necessary (no cable tv, no smartphones or internet on our phones, no eating out, etc.). 

Becoming a licensed foster care parent is free. Training can be done through a state or private agency. In our area, I always suggest going through an agency, as we have appreciated having the extra advocates for our kiddos and family. 

Private adoptions range in cost. The cost typically covers legal fees (attorney, court, and filing fees). 

Domestic infant adoptions are typically 20K+. The expenses cover things such as agency, court, attorney, and expectant mother expenses. 

International adoption varies by country and orphanage. In addition to the legal and agency fees, there will be the cost of travel, passports, and extensive paperwork filing.

So, long answer short: It can absolutely be affordable! In fact, if you become a licensed foster parent who chooses to be an adoptive resource, the adoption itself may only cost court filing and medical paperwork fees! 
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What are the steps needed to complete the adoption process?

1. Pray.
2. Check with your local agency for requirements in your county.
3. Complete appropriate training courses.
4. Fill out mountains of paperwork.
5. Get background checked and obtain clearances.
6. ​Have medical exams for each member of the family.
7. Home visit and safety check.
8. Once approval is received, begin matching process.
9. Continue praying.
10. Develop a support system.
11. Use your wait well. (Ideas here!)
12. Once a match is made, the type of adoption you are doing will determine the next steps. 
13. Once a child is placed, there are usually six months of follow up and supervision by an agency.
14. After the supervision period is up, adoption can be finalized!
15. Continue praying and researching and learning.

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What is the hardest part of the process leading up to adoption?

Waiting. Hands down, that was the hardest part. Granted, bearing every part of our personal lives for scrutiny by strangers across the United States was a little awkward, but the knowledge that it was for the protection of precious children made it easier to handle.

The waiting, however, caught me by complete surprise. There are thousands of children waiting in the foster care system for a forever family. We FLEW through the paperwork process and were approved more quickly than our worker had ever seen before --- and I was convinced that was evidence that God was bringing our kiddo home right away!

Only, He didn't. It was 18 long months before we met our son! As God often does, He used the most challenging part of our story to speak, and that is why I wrote "Don't Waste Your Wait: Embracing the Journey of Bringing Your Child Home." The book chronicles some of my blog entries as we waited, reflections on what God was teaching us, and practical ways to embrace the precious season of waiting before your child comes home! The book is available for purchase on Amazon here! 

If you are in the season of waiting, or simply want to read more about it, you may find these posts helpful as well!:
An Open Letter To Waiting Families
4 Things Every Waiting Family Should Do
When Waiting is Hard
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Next week, I'll be tackling some questions about the family! In the mean time, I'd love to hear from you, friend! Were there any questions you were hoping I'd answer that I didn't address here? Do you have questions relating to family and adoption?